PAO scientists today have unveiled the latest, possibly most horrifying discovery in an ongoing spell of UFO and alien sightings. While there is still no answer as to WHY there have been so many close encounters of late – we can finally dispell one myth, that being the 9-9-9 end of the world theory. Thankfully, 9-10-9 has arrived and we are still here.. for now.
The newly discovered martian parasite attacks fish – for now – burrowing into the fish’s mouth, and then devours its &*(^@#@ing tongue!!! After eating the tongue – yes, EATING THE TONGUE – the little fcker proceeds to setup shop inside the fish’s mouth and live there. Talk about a housing crisis.. Sickeningly, the fish doesn’t seem to give a damn – nor does it seem to have trouble surviving with its new, nasty, evil tongue.
When asked his opinion, the alien to the right said “I do what I do, because I have to do it. The fish was running its mouth too much. The other fish wanted it to STFU – but it just would not. Kept talking about podcasts and Apple and other BS – seriously non-stop. I’m just doing my job here, don’t shoot the messenger and all that.”
PAO scientists have likened this alien beast to the rare theisopod, a kind of louse. Discoveries of live specimens is rare – both for isopods and aliens – so the link between the two is very curious. Is one, the other, or is the other, the one?
People are already asking how to save themselves. Fortunately, as stated above, this creepy, evil, ahole alien only attacks fish. So the first step to safety is to stay the hell out of the water – don’t be mistaken for a fish. Also, stop talking so much. Don’t be a douchebag and the aliens might leave you alone.
At the left you can see how the devil bug replaces the tongue in a fish. We still don’t know why this fish is missing half of its head – but it does provide well for science.
via TreeHugger.
so does this mean people should give up swimming??
yes – unless you are in a pool or lake, the scientists recommend avoiding the ocean at all costs.
That means ill have to sell my 8 beach houses that line the atlantic coast – fuck
i sold my house boat this morning. fuck these things.
what kind of house boat? why didnt you just float it to a pond
my wife made me sell it. bitch.
@fatass, must be sad to see that go… whata Fuckin’ Bitch, divorce