PAO REVIEWS: Xpect Maximum Strength Cold Relief

 

*note, it is not raspberry flavored
*note, it is not raspberry flavored

On a recent trip to the food and bev station, I found a need to consume something other than salty crunchy stuff. A victim of a very strong COLD, and a headache from cookie eating assholes wearing hats, the time came to review some pills. 

As you see to the right, the manufacturer is “Xpect” – based on their complete misunderstanding of the word they meant to spell, I can only assume the pills come from China. And if so, I Xpect some taintedness – thank goodness its Friday, and that I have a cold ZAZZ to disinfect and act as a base. 

Tearing the package was easy for a normal sized person. Fat people likely have to eat the whole packet, as it requires some nimble fingers to get the edge just right. 

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those are not small

Upon opening, I let the two pills fall out, in disbelief. They are the size of friggin cookies! I have included a pencap for comparison. They looked pink almost like Flintstone’s Vitamins from the days of old. There was no real odor. 

These pills are like Alanis Morrisette’s album, JAGGED LITTLE PILL. I popped one and my brain knew immediately this was bad news. I hesitated to throw it back and then suffered the awfulness of not-flintstone’s-vitamins that was under my tongue. The potential antifreeze flavor isn’t very pleasant. Grabbing my only beverage handy – a cold ZAZZ – I chugged the f’er down. It didn’t go easy and I think it still lodged in my throat. I repeated this with the other ridulously massive piece of sidewalk chalk, and realized that it began to fizz with the ZAZZ – CHUG CHUG CHUG to clear my air way and all is well now.. whew. 

10 mintues into this experiment, there are noticeable gains! The mongo sized pills apparently pack a punch. My ears are clearing up – I can now hear again, and my headache is fading slowly.  The fight will continue though, as the fcktard hat wearing cookie eating party throwers are still yapping away as if they were Plato and Socrates.  So far, though, so good. Fist pumps? We’re going with 3. I wouldn’t eat these on a normal day basis – but maybe a an added feature to a drinking game, or of course if you need MAXIMUM STRENGTH COLD RELIEF.

Review Time: Cheating with Chocolate (snacks)

cheating with chocolateWhen you think of ‘cheating with chocolate’ usually, 9 times out of 10, only one thing comes to mind. Pineappleope.com has had a chance to review an up and coming diet people snack food, “Sensible Portion’s Cheating with Chocolate, S’mores with milk chocolaty drizzle.” At only 100 calories, this snack food has little chance to fill you up. Despite the low cal-count(R), this food still packs a weighty net weight of .84oz.

What Sensible Portions has done here is disguised a regular nickle sized rice cake, with low quality chocolate ‘drizzle’. If you are not a fan of rice cake, there is no chance you will enjoy these ‘Drizzled mini crisps.’ I found myself neither enjoying or un-enjoying myself during my experience with this snack food. The fake marshmallow flavoring in the s’mores variety was pretty awful and definitely justified the “artificially flavored” label on the packaging. My mouth tastes like a combination of stale wheat and plastic and black coffee.

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FOOD REVIEW: Angry Whopper

dr angry
Today, Thursday, I had the opportunity to eat Angry Whopper. Angry Whopper was eaten for lunch. Did it satisfy? Did it taste delicious? Did Angry Whopper end my hunger? You will find out in the following review. REVIEW TIME.

Well what the fuck is Angry Whopper you ask? It’s a Whopper. It’s a whopper with spicy crispy onions, and it’s a whopper with spicy crispy onions, and its got jalapeños, and then its got pepper jack cheese, and Then its got bacon, on top of that come the tomatoes, and then the lettuce, and then here we have some mayonnaise, and finally topped off with some spicy Angry Sauce.

This burga was not spicy enough. The tomatoes were green. The onion rings were very soggy. The Angry Sauce wasn’t outstanding. The spicy jack cheese was not spicy. I got a coke with it. That was ok. The fries were decent, came in a trendy frypod (no relation to the iCase).

Angry Whopper did not deliver. The regular whopper, burger kings signature dish, is slightly less spicy than Angry Whopper, and proves to be a better choice and you will save yourself a dolla.

 
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