Its true. Shaking hands gives you Swine Flu. Beware.
Neil Swidey, writing for the Boston Globe, says “Last month, swine flu officially became a pandemic. Public health officials have said so-called “social distancing” strategies — sharply reducing contact with others — have proved most effective in slowing the spread of previous outbreaks, such as the 1918 flu pandemic. And they told us to cut down on our handshakes as much as we could. Northeastern University heeded the advice, asking its graduates not to shake hands when receiving their diplomas during the school’s commencement ceremony in May.”
BREAKING – H1N1 made the jump to bacterial form??? Read!
SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) – Nestle’s U.S. baking division said on Friday that it was voluntarily recalling its Toll House refrigerated cookie dough products after the U.S. Food and Drug Administration warned of the risk of contamination with E. coli bacteria.
Nestle said the FDA and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention were investigating reports of illnesses caused by E. coli O157:H7 in consumers who also reported having eaten raw cookie dough. E. coli can cause abdominal cramping, vomiting and diarrhea, the FDA said.
On a recent trip to the food and bev station, I found a need to consume something other than salty crunchy stuff. A victim of a very strong COLD, and a headache from cookie eating assholes wearing hats, the time came to review some pills.
As you see to the right, the manufacturer is “Xpect” – based on their complete misunderstanding of the word they meant to spell, I can only assume the pills come from China. And if so, I Xpect some taintedness – thank goodness its Friday, and that I have a cold ZAZZ to disinfect and act as a base.
Tearing the package was easy for a normal sized person. Fat people likely have to eat the whole packet, as it requires some nimble fingers to get the edge just right.
Upon opening, I let the two pills fall out, in disbelief. They are the size of friggin cookies! I have included a pencap for comparison. They looked pink almost like Flintstone’s Vitamins from the days of old. There was no real odor.
These pills are like Alanis Morrisette’s album, JAGGED LITTLE PILL. I popped one and my brain knew immediately this was bad news. I hesitated to throw it back and then suffered the awfulness of not-flintstone’s-vitamins that was under my tongue. The potential antifreeze flavor isn’t very pleasant. Grabbing my only beverage handy – a cold ZAZZ – I chugged the f’er down. It didn’t go easy and I think it still lodged in my throat. I repeated this with the other ridulously massive piece of sidewalk chalk, and realized that it began to fizz with the ZAZZ – CHUG CHUG CHUG to clear my air way and all is well now.. whew.
10 mintues into this experiment, there are noticeable gains! The mongo sized pills apparently pack a punch. My ears are clearing up – I can now hear again, and my headache is fading slowly. The fight will continue though, as the fcktard hat wearing cookie eating party throwers are still yapping away as if they were Plato and Socrates. So far, though, so good. Fist pumps? We’re going with 3. I wouldn’t eat these on a normal day basis – but maybe a an added feature to a drinking game, or of course if you need MAXIMUM STRENGTH COLD RELIEF.