[wedding announcements] jerbear and alycia tie the knot, John reported distraught #plus 8 #matrimonial bliss

jerbear and alycia tied the knot yesterday in a quiet ceremony in Lynn, MA, that promptly erupted into a teenage dance party. Many people ended up being arrested for MDMA posession, prompting Cambridge police to leave their own jurisdiction to make additional false arrests. Arrest records have yet to be expunged from LDAP. The happy couple will be honeymooning at an undisclosed location under heavily armed guard, due to recent threats from a disgruntled construction worker known on the Internet only as “John”. John did not respond to requests to be interviewed, and may have already escaped to join the Foreign Legion.

President Obama today spoke out against the Cambridge Police.

We have recieved exclusive footage of the wedding ceremony!