Mexico City, MX – PAO bargain hunters recently ducked into a vintage outlet store in an effort to avoid some infected swine flu carriers in downtown Mexico City.
The situation ended very positively – turns out the swine flu-ers were not infected – they were actually Mexican drug czars dressed up in pig suits, in their own efforts to avoid both the pig flu swine pandemico (pandemico is Spanish for pandemic).
The other positive note here is that our correspondents took refuge in some vintage Ikea furniture – likely left in Mexico hundreds of years ago by Swedish settlers Ponch de Leon and Columbono. The old furniture was intact with impossible to follow instructions and totally stupid tools. In the chair pictured here, the tools were empty shotgun shells which attached to some sort of wingnut contraption.
PAO’er Lance Monstoke said “it was like a monkey with piggy swine flu trying to fly fish in salt water”. Sounds awful, Lance. He and Maria Chowdon, our 20yr old Brazilian intern, both enjoyed their time in the shop.
The chair does maintain a very rustic attitude of the olden times in Sweden – these days its nothing but hot bikini clad blonds – back back in the day, things were a bear! Literally! Chairs and cars alike. This Bear Chair actually could walk, with a mini steam powered engine inside the assembly. Very cool – unfortunately the engine was removed in Mexico as a precaution. Swine flu is spread by steam and energy which is how it made the jump to humans from piglets.
In any case.. our researchers managed to bring this chair home for a hefty price of 35 pesos, and 2 viles of our in-house experimental swine vaccine. Nice work guys!
A Boston grand jury will convene today to indict foreign PAO correspondent Major Q. Rambo for several killings at swanky Back Bay hotels. The trouble is after the indictment, they may never find him.
Retired Lt. Col. Fred Klausshiem went on the record, saying: “Rambo is one of the best counter-insurgency chameleons I have ever performed sex-reassignment surgery on. Once he goes to ground, even the Power Rangers won’t be able to find him. The DA’s office really screwed up making this indictment public.”
District Attorney Samuel Butter is credited with making the connection. “First we noted that the person of interest in this case spelled out POI. From there it was simple to connect the killer with PAO. Since Rambo is the only PAO correspondent to be over 5’8″, it follows that he must be the killer.”
PAO correspondent Largebuck is cooperating with police. Using a key buried in his rectum, he opened up a locked drawer in Rambo desk in the international reporter’s office. Inside, they found reverse dildos, zip ties, several bindles of cocaine, and a Rolex with a cracked crystal. The Rolex was later traced to a firm in Kuwait, a known hangout for PAO journalists whoring it up en route to foreign assignments. “We also noted the similarities between the word Rolex and the name Rambo”, confirms Butter, “We have got you know sucker. Turn yourself in.”
UPDATED: An “anonymous” chat was fired up this midday time while PAO writer Senior Bottomtooth was working on standard Saturday email correspondence. As it turns out, after several recognizable insulting comments, it was the one and only RAMBO. He was forced to disguise himself and chat via a pirated proxy server, however smarty Bottomtooth did manage to get a screen capture which has been submitted to the authorities:
PAO promises to keep you all in the loop as this story unravels.
Try as you might, at some point in your life you may have to board a commercial airplane. This is a bad idea. Planes are dangerous. If you bump your head hard enough against one you could die. Flight crews are increasingly being recruited from bands of sea pirates. Sea pirates don’t usually know how to fly planes. If you must fly, try to have sex while you are up there. The following flight safety pamphlets illustrate how to effectively perform the following activities while in the air using beautiful 20yr old Brazilian line drawings.
“We’re quickly becoming a Web 3.0 world,” said our new sugar-daddy, Mariweather Valentine, “and Social Networking, minus the ‘networking’ and the ‘social’, will soon become the next big thing. It’s a transformative paradigm, and we’re thrilled to work with Mr. Largebuck and his cohorts on defining it.”
The first and most obvious step in moving forward will be to make the entire PAO network Web 3.0-compatible. Obviously, since Web 3.0 is still in beta, no one knows precisely what this means, but we’re pretty sure that, at its core, content will have to be 140 characters or less. Otherwise, how else could it be tweeted on Twitter?
iPhone users celebrate. Introducing the Pineappleope.com Developed iJack. Details are vague, but it will be sporting Bluetooth 199.323 90mb/px/per/in capabilities, BUILT IN. No more messy antennas. It also will come in fancy red and white. The iJack Executive Edition (iJEE) comes in chrome.
In case you were unaware: The iJack allows you to use normal Fcking headphones on your version one iPhone