PAO REVIEWS: Xpect Maximum Strength Cold Relief

 

*note, it is not raspberry flavored
*note, it is not raspberry flavored

On a recent trip to the food and bev station, I found a need to consume something other than salty crunchy stuff. A victim of a very strong COLD, and a headache from cookie eating assholes wearing hats, the time came to review some pills. 

As you see to the right, the manufacturer is “Xpect” – based on their complete misunderstanding of the word they meant to spell, I can only assume the pills come from China. And if so, I Xpect some taintedness – thank goodness its Friday, and that I have a cold ZAZZ to disinfect and act as a base. 

Tearing the package was easy for a normal sized person. Fat people likely have to eat the whole packet, as it requires some nimble fingers to get the edge just right. 

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those are not small

Upon opening, I let the two pills fall out, in disbelief. They are the size of friggin cookies! I have included a pencap for comparison. They looked pink almost like Flintstone’s Vitamins from the days of old. There was no real odor. 

These pills are like Alanis Morrisette’s album, JAGGED LITTLE PILL. I popped one and my brain knew immediately this was bad news. I hesitated to throw it back and then suffered the awfulness of not-flintstone’s-vitamins that was under my tongue. The potential antifreeze flavor isn’t very pleasant. Grabbing my only beverage handy – a cold ZAZZ – I chugged the f’er down. It didn’t go easy and I think it still lodged in my throat. I repeated this with the other ridulously massive piece of sidewalk chalk, and realized that it began to fizz with the ZAZZ – CHUG CHUG CHUG to clear my air way and all is well now.. whew. 

10 mintues into this experiment, there are noticeable gains! The mongo sized pills apparently pack a punch. My ears are clearing up – I can now hear again, and my headache is fading slowly.  The fight will continue though, as the fcktard hat wearing cookie eating party throwers are still yapping away as if they were Plato and Socrates.  So far, though, so good. Fist pumps? We’re going with 3. I wouldn’t eat these on a normal day basis – but maybe a an added feature to a drinking game, or of course if you need MAXIMUM STRENGTH COLD RELIEF.

5 Replies to “PAO REVIEWS: Xpect Maximum Strength Cold Relief”

  1. the package opening toughness descriptions are really helpful, and i will definitely affect future purchases.

    as for xpect, i dont think they offer the best offerings in medicine, they have a great energy drink though

  2. Ok, I know this is going to sound odd, but where did you get these pills? I know they taste weird and do come in a super small package, however they work exeptionally well for my earaches and sinus infection. My dad got some from his work, however they have discontinued using that kind so I am in search of a new source for buying them.

    I appreacaite your reply very much,
    Thank you

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