Boston, a large city on the east coast of this country, is in trouble. The digital age has hit this city harder than an Aurora Snow movie – and with it, massive STD infections are spreading the city at alarming rates. Due to new technological advances such as sexting, diseases are spreading like wildfire over the internet. How? We consult resident STD expert, Dr Jenna Banapants to find out.
PAO: “Dr J, how does sextexting transmit Chlamydia?
Jenna: “You mean sexting? Well, the actual link is still a but unclear, as you need to ingest the disease. Studies are showing that teens, becoming less intelligent every year, are starting to lick their mobile devices for a more “real” sexting experience.”
PAO: “Yes – you have an MMS btw – so what about Gonorrhea? Isn’t that only transmitable via oral pleasure? Not through a cellular telephone?”
Jenna: “I just got over a nasty case of the G. I got it from my gPhone – I will not lie. I downloaded some nasty sh*t over the internets. It happens – and its bad. Its like a computer virus but its a bacteria.”
PAO: “Holy fucking shit!”
Jenna: “You said it, sister. The positive news though, is that the city of Boston is intending to clean up the metaphorical ‘streets’ – the internet streets, or tubes, if you will.”
Dr JB gave us some pamphlets to read, as well as the following information from a real publication.
“Alarmed by the rampant spread of sexually transmitted germs among Boston teenagers, city disease trackers will unveil a safer-sex campaign today that aims to talk to adolescents via their preferred modes of communication: Facebook, YouTube, and cable channels.”