[How To] Thirteen Easy Ways to Have a Threesome

Banging two bitches at the same time is easier done than said when you study and follow these easy three-way tips.

1. Have Massive Parties
We’re talking – an overcrowded lawn of at least fifty people, music blared so loudly across the block that only gesticulating and smiling is necessary, beautiful bodied women indulging in booze and a mutual attitude of recklessness. Everyone should be sufficiently lubricated (liquor-wise…) as you position yourself near the young, single bunch ‘o bitches. Start talking up two bitches, alternating equal attention to both. Keep it up, making sure they are connected not only to you, but to each other – try to get them flirting with each other, bitches at parties often do. The more relaxed they become with three-sided banter, they closer they come to the three-sided bedroom.

2. Jacuzzis
Jacuzzis activate sensuality in all bitches. The next time you find yourself beside the bubbly jet with a couple of bitches at a dispersed party, seize your chance. Sit yourself between the two of them, drawing them in with conversation with subtly insinuating talk. Make it clear through flirtation that you’re attracted to both and not one in particular, otherwise the other prospect will forfeit. Splash around, throw jokes and make the jacuzzi your personal bathtub and by the time you’re brave enough to instigate, they’ll practically be expecting it.

3. Friends On Vacation
Though two straight best friends definitely provide a scenario different from two seasoned lesbians, girls on vacation can unleash the craziest desire for sexual deviance. Might we say, moreso than two seasoned lesbians. When meeting two chinese, brazilian, botswanan, mexi or malato or whatever friends perusing the liquor selection at your local bar, offer to show them a good night on the town. Sheapard them around to your favorite places, treat them like your gorgeous, little bitches and end the night with the blitzed three of you bouncing around your pad.

Continue to #’s 4 through 13 >>>

4. Taking Advantage of a ‘Common Question’
For bitches, questioning their sexuality often happens later in life. If ever you’re comfortable enough to ask your girlfriend – “what do you think about the theory that everyone’s slightly bisexual?” or “do you think you could ever sleep with a woman?” – and she is comfortable enough to be unsure with you, offer up the possibility of a threesome. This can be done in a non-offensive way. Something like, “well, if you’re ever curious or interested, we could try something.”

5. Taking Advantage of Friend’s ‘Common Question’
All Bitches have at least one bitch friend who randomly decided to start sleeping and/or living with another bitch. If your bitch has one of these friends, and this friend is attractive, try to spark something of intrigue between this friend and your bitch. Something as simple as the two of you inviting her over for dinner, drinking plentiful resources of wine and discussing the her recent bisexuality will open the door for wonderful opportunities.

6. Jumping on the Bandwagon – Two Lesbians
If you are acquainted with a bitch couple who attract your fancy and fancy your attraction, this is ideal. Though many lesbians are sincerely uninterested in heterosexual intercourse, they are often interested in wild sexual episodes. You could be a part of this. Begin by confiding your sexual questions and experiences, establishing the issue of sex as relaxed between you three, and then move toward nonchalantly inquiring about the possibility of an all-inclusive pajama party.

7. Skinny Dipping
Whether in a desolate, crevice-like lake or an expansive public beach, skinny dipping sets up a great situation for threesomes. The whole, wild atmosphere of excitement over nakedness will conjure in its participants an ability to relinquish formalities greater (for you) than clothing. Be confident, out there, flirtatious and fun-loving. The greatest appeal for bitches is not pressure, but self-preservation in precarious circumstances.

8. Intense, Sweaty Concerts
Concerts consisting of overwhelmingly powerful, upbeat music, beer kegs and barely an inch of space between bodies – are gold mines. Head up front to where all the die hards dance, and find the bitches bopping along, rubbing up against any and all who cross their path. Begin dancing with one, incorporate another and together they will end up incorporating you.

9. Making It Easier On Everyone – Pairing Up Your Prospects
You’ve begun seeing two different bitches simultaneously. They are both severely interested in you and you simply can’t pick. One finds out about the other. Instead of flipping a coin, mention to one – ‘If I could just have both of you together, once, then I’d stop seeing her.’ It’s risky, but we like risk. Risk reaps the most memorable of rewards. And, worst case scenario is that the one you propose the threesome to first leaves and makes your decision for you. There could be a very sexy flowchart for relationship decisions associated with this technique, we’re thinking.

10. Posting To Non Creepy Classifieds
Obviously, we’re not talking about craigslist here, because who knows what bear or boy might show up at your door instead of the bitches promised. However, there are many services and online classifieds which provide private forums wherein people post mild, sexual requests (by ‘mild’ we mean reasonable and not terrifying). If you have a difficult time penetrating the social reality of bringing two bitches together, this is a much more comfortable, practical option.

11. Befriending Strippers
Meeting strippers is not difficult. If you frequent a certain club, have a certain cocktail waitress who brings your whiskey rocks and you do not grab her ass demeaningly or drop her tip in her tits, this will be easy for you. Strippers are human beings, too, even though to many of us they seem like superheros. So, there’s no need to act strangely or super masculine (actually, that would probably hurt more than help). Simply make friends with them as you would any hot bitches who strike your interest. Once friendly with at least two (more the merrier?), begin by hanging out together, beyond the strip club and you’ve got yourself a threesome waiting to be ritualized by the actual threesome to come.

12. Pudding Wrestling
At aforementioned ‘massive party,’ inflate a baby pool and fill it with pudding. Start a pudding wrestling match and arrange the order so that two bitches end up in the ring against you. Getting sloppy down there, being dominated by two slippery bitches, you’re destined to make something good of it. Offer to grab them a drink afterward and, together, ‘reminisce.’ Anyone who’s just wrestled you in a vat of pudding, is most likely willing to wrestling you and another woman elsewhere.

13. Riding The Rave
In a room where all lights are lowered to buzzing, untraceable colors, people are stimulated by capsules which encourage cuddling, bizarrely entrancing music and lots of glow sticks pervade the scene, you’re bound to bed at least two bitches. Because the atmosphere so flawlessly encourages the most hidden of natural urges to emerge, you mostly like won’t even need to set the stage – just dive in dancing and don’t look back. Of course, you’ll first have to be the sort who’s willing to tolerate people expertly twirling sticks in their hands and touching the walls for texture. But thinking of the possible reward, the two extra, extra-hot bodies in your bed, we can’t really understand who isn’t.

4 Replies to “[How To] Thirteen Easy Ways to Have a Threesome”

  1. Another good tip is to start seeing a bitch who is a bisexual bitch, that way you’ve got your work cut out for you. I certainly found this to be true, least to say my bitch had a penchant for ethnic minority bitches so that for several glorious months my bed was like some depraved Benetton commercial! Ho ho ho! – Good Times!

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