As a professional tech writer and original blogger, when I first saw that the iPhone 6 was getting a dose of Viagra, I could not have been more jolly. Most people don’t know what is so great about this. I figured instead of talking and writing about it, I’d just hammer out the top, top top reasons – so you get get in line RIGHT NOW.
Chicks. Love. Bigger. You will get laid if you flash this device around. Instantly.
Porn! Big screen! YESS.
Think how much that mongo thing vibrates – your wife will love it.
SLOW MO CAMERA – film those things you always wanted to, in SLOMO
It is weaponized.
Stops more bullets than a normal iPhone 6.
Can serve as dinner plate.
Double those “happy to see me?” comments
Excuse to wear big baggy pants like a THUG
Packs huge speakers – its a new age boom box, bitch.
Longer chassis makes for easier upskirt shooting.
TOP NOTCH sexting with that sick forward facing camera. Full frontal sexting anyone???
In late 2012 Nokia launched the Lumia 920. A lucky Pineappleope.com executive received the white AT&T version of the device day 1, Nov. 9th 2012. After a full weekend and half-week hands-on time, the Lumia 920 packin’ executive has compiled this comprehensive review of their Lumia 920.
Is it any good?
Yes. It’s probably the best phone I have ever used in my long and prosperous life. Nokia should probably steal Carlsberg’s slogan: “Probably the best phone in the world”
Better than the iPhone?
Yes. Apple does not make a mobile product which makes phone calls that rivals even entry level Android devices which make phone calls, looking at you Droid Bionic.
Even the iPhone 5?
Remember when Motorola finally came out with that new version of the RAZR, the thinner KRZR? That’s Apple’s iPhone 5. The Nokia 920 is in a different league. Yes, it’s better than even the iPhone 5.
But it’s a WINDOWS Phone, it’s really that good?
Windows Phone 8 is the best mobile OS to date, in all honesty. It’s fun and easy to use and customize. Intuitive. Staring at the iOS OS or Android OS is painfully dull in comparison. I mean painful, eye blistering/headache inducing. So many customization options in Windows Phone 8. Not sure how the competitors can actually compete now… their offerings are just… so sad, at this point in the game.
How is the screen on the 920?
Awesome. The HD+ screen is outstanding. Easily the best display on the market. Colors are colors. They hyper 60hz refresh rate is brain melting and makes your eyes sweat tears of joy. The glass is so, so smooth.
Even tested the touchscreen using my Burton Lost in Space snow boarding mitts, with success. Anxious to send text messages mid-mountain after grinding serious rails in the park.
I heard the phone is heavy, any truth to that?
Heavy? A frail 97 year old woman should be able to hold and operate the Lumia 920. What weak fairies told you the Nokia Lumia 920 was heavy?
How did you like the white version of the 920?
It’s sleek and all sorts of glossy. High-end-jaw-dropping looking. We haven’t scientifically proven this, but the Lumia 920 arouses women, strongly.
Tell us about the battery life on the 920.
Solid. Haven’t run out of juice in under a full day of hardcore use. I hit it hard and steady all day. At night the 920 slumbers on the black wireless charger (Free, thanks Nokia).
Do you use the alarm feature?
Yes. I use a daily (during the week) alarm. Setting it up was a light breeze. The alarm tone is a sensual flute. Huge fan of the tone choices. Windows Phone 8 is stellar. Thanks Microsoft.
I want to know about the performance, tell me.
Lumia 920 is a top performer. With its Dual-core 1.5GHz Snapdragon processor, it is a speed demon. 0 Lag. Fast. Bordering on light-speed. Apps open in 1/1000th of a jiffy.
Nokia has some EXCLUSIVE Windows Phone apps. Tell me about those now.
Indeed. Nokia has its own apps. Their mapping apps are terrific. I have tested Nokia transit in the city of Boston, thoroughly. Going from South Boston (Southie) to Regular Boston (Boston Proper) to Cambridge and back to Boston then to a suburb… It was simple and I never got lost. The timing of the transportation was spot on. Never missed a beat.
Nokia music is radical also. Streaming music, free. Speaking of music, importing my tunes from my Pineappleope.com engraved Alienware Windows 7 machine was a walk in the park.
The camera. Tell us now about the Nokia Lumia 920’s PureView 8.7mp camera.
The photographs taken by the Lumia 920 are body-shattering gorgeous. Nighttime and day time photos are… you’ve never seen better quality photos. The Nokia Lumia 920’s camera gives Digital SLR cameras a run for their money. I can see Digital SLR’s completely replaced by Nokia PureView equipped wireless phones within a few years time, that is, if the professional photographer community hops on the beautiful photograph train.
What did you think of the physical camera button on the phone?
One of the top physical buttons on the phone, next to the volume rocker and power button. It’s usefulness is unmatched, except by the aforementioned power and volume buttons on the Lumia 920. Holding the camera button turns on the wireless device and starts the camera instantaneously.
So… what are the downsides of the Lumia 920? We need that information now.
Syncing Facebook to your phone should not automatically populate your contact list with ‘friends’ from Facebook – without asking. When will FB/phone integration be done right? NEVER! It was easy enough to un-synch FB friends. But for those 30 seconds when my contact list was full of FB ‘friends’, I was livid. Currently my phone is FB contact free and now use the web browser for any FB action.
Any last words?
Nokia Lumia 920 is the best phone available. Anything a regular Joe cellphone can do, the Lumia 920 can do much better. Much better. Lumia 920 annihilates the armies of Droids and iPhones, with ease.
– Unmatched Display – HD+, superfast refresh rate
– 920’s amazing design and color choices
– Windows phone 8
– Ring tones and other system sounds
– Call quality very clear and 0 dropped calls
– Wi-fi / 4g work excellently
– Loud speakers
– Nokia Maps, Nokia Transit and other Nokia Apps
– Wireless charging
– Stellar PureView Camera
– Camera specific button
– Syncing Facebook adds all your FB ‘friends’ to your contact list. (Could not determine a way around this)
With song titles such as “Making Love Under the Rain”, us at PAO knew what we were getting into. Or at least, we thought we knew…
At times massively loud noises obstruct PAO employees from doing work. During those times we try drowning out the vomit inducing noise with music. At times relaxing music.
When “Music for Healing Sexuality – Healing Nature Sounds and Relaxing Music” compact disc was delivered to PAO offices by FEDEX, all PAO employees passed the disc around drooling over the cover artwork and calling dibs on first listen. Straws were drawn, and I ended up being the first PAO employee to take the disc in, in its entirety.
The disc starts off with a bang, featuring the track “Making Love Under The Rain”. You can vividly hear each drop of rain hitting two lesbians going to town on one another.
“Outdoor Love”, One of my favorite tracks. Its more or less a woman getting off alone.
“Erotic Spa” starts out with relaxing tunes and melody. Due to the song name, it was hotly anticipated. Unfortunately there is some giggling which takes you right back to reality.
“Sensual Couple” too much kissing noises. A couple slapping noises, I assume they were friendly slaps since they broke out into full on intercourse. Mix feelings on this one.
And lastly, PAO favorite song 8, “Threesome And Rainy Days”. It was a pleasurable listening experience from start two finish. The female vocalists did a heck of a job. A HECK OF A JOB. Whoever mixed this track is a genius.
Another hidden gem:
“Thunderstorms And Sexual Pleaseure”.
7 out of a possible 10
*WORTH NOTING: There are no secret songs hidden at the end of the disc.
The Official Battling system of the Internet has been released, to the public. The non disclosure agreement has ended. VERSEU,is what the Battle system is named. Located at http://verseu.com. They are currently hosting a number of battles, including the epic battle between Sexting vs Jump Rope. Check it out:
Pineappleope.com went one-on-one with VERSEU this past week, in a sneak-preview for technology industry leaders. 2 Pineappleope.com employees were flown out to sunny southern California for a hands-on, behind closed doors, preview of VERSEU.
After 8 hours of straight online battling, Pineappleope.com came to the absolute conclusion, VERSEU will lead the rest of the internet into the next generation of the internet, tentatively called web3.0 (internet3, PAO prefers).
Since the VERSEU internet battle system is in its infancy (being released so recently, its so raw), we hesitate to give it a perfect score of 10 stars, but we never hesitate at PAO
10 out of a possible 10
Keep on the lookout for an official Pineappleope.com VERSEU profile.
Yes, the Droid Incredible is the best phone in the Universe. Why HTC did not call this the Universe phone is beyond me.
The Droid Incredible is wayyyy better than the iPhone. It’s basically iPhone 7, but on Verizon. It makes calls, receives calls, ANIMATED BACKGROUNDS! You name it, the Incredible has got it.
The android marketplace has ‘Adult’ (nc-17) apps which iPhone does not. Such as Boobs! Butts! Babes! – The Works!
On a Thursday night, the Incredible was awesome as a phone, besting the iPhones in the area. 0 Calls were dropped. The battery is low indicator is very descriptive, giving percentages. When the phone had 4% battery left, I got a decent 15-20 minutes out of it.
The Incredible screen is 10x better than any screen previously seen in a Nokia, Sony Ericson, Apple, Palm, Voicestream, Blackberry, or Motorola phone. It’s wonderful for animated backgrounds.
The single problem I have found on the Incredible is the Facebook integration. I now have 300 ‘friends’ from Facebook in my contact list… I will never call them, ever. I have yet to find the way to erase them all from the phone, for good.
The ability to charge the phone on a mini USB is tops, since most people have them lying around their casas.
You would be a fool not to purchase this delightful phone.
One can only speculate.. but if we were the gambling sort, we’d definitely wager that this was the sex toy Carrie Prejean uses in her homemade sex video. Carrie was not available to comment unfortunately.
JimmyJane is referring to the Form 2 as a rabbit vibe (and given its resemblance to a certain Sanrio character, it’s not hard to see why). But don’t be fooled: this isn’t the Rabbit Pearl you’re dealing with. The Form 2 is a world away from the toy that was the toast of the “Sex and the City” set.