Several PAO employees let themselves go during the 2014 Holiday Season. There since has been an unhealthy level of fatness in the office. Specifically, Editor Mark McChill added 40lbs to his already massive 326lbs (Pre-holiday weigh-in), landing at a disgusting 365lbs.
As a mandatory New Years Resolution for the husky PAO employees, double-daily Aerobics classes have been imposed.
With the ultimate goal of taking home the Gold, Silver and Bronze medals in the 2015 National Aerobics Championships – Team PAO has their work cut out.
Pineappleope.com was on hand, this past weekend, at the circus – as per usual – covering the news coverage of the circus, the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey circus.
An acrobatics routine went awry when the trapeze snapped and the human chandelier crashed to the ground at terminal velocity speeds. Broken bones and severed legs were everywhere.
Here is the clip you have all been waiting to see:
“We have identified a clamp that snapped that held them to the rafters, and it failed,” Pineappleope.com field investigator Dave Dave’ins told Pineappleope.com editors a day after a support frame collapsed during the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey circus.
Rarely does a day go by where a lady does not ask me: ” what state has the longest dongs and biggest balognas in the country???” The PAO Intern staff is always asking this, especially.
It used to be annoying – because I DID NOT KNOW the answer until NOW.
Finally I sent the interns on a quest – an informative research trip! After 232 days of very careful research by the PAO Interns – measuring twice on every occasion, a gigantic sampling of meat has been measured!!! This is LEGIT STUFF. Be prepared to have your MIND BLOWN.
With Memorial Day weekend almost here the anticipation for the weekend grows each minute, at Pineappleope.com. It is fortunate for Pineappleope.com staff that the Pineappleope.com staff have been awarded this Memorial Day weekend.
Here are some promising activities to keep you busy through out this long holiday weekend:
Pineappleope.com is suiting up for the 2nd biggest weekend of the year, Kentucky Derby Weekend. For the uneducated, the Kentucky Derby is a horse race, quite famous in PAO offices around the country.
As a special Treat from Pineappleope.com to you, here is a secret recipe to construct the Official PAO Traditional Kentucky Derby Drink, the Mint Julip Elixir
4 c. water
2 c. sugar
4 c. loosely packed fresh mint leaves, chopped
4 c. bourbon
Fresh mint leaves
Combine water and sugar in a medium saucepan; bring to a boil. Reduce heat to medium and cook for 10 minutes. Reduce heat to low, add chopped mint leaves and simmer 30 minutes. Let syrup stand at room temperature overnight. Strain. Fill julep cups with crushed ice. Combine bourbon and mint syrup; pour over ice. Garnish with mint.
Crazy day in PAOville once again. Despite our high profile aquisitions and unstoppable hiring spree, we always find time to enjoy the high life. Today’s PAO event was a doozy, sending several PAO executives straight home afterwards.
Hot, nasty street tacos and cold beverages were downed – but spirits were nothing but upped as PAO looks to wrap up its 3rd solid year of internet dominance. Discussions about street tacos came up over and over – and there was a big accord on the fact that the best street tacos are found deep in the heart of Mexico, where street workers are very generous with the hot, cheesy taco meat.
All in all, the State of the PAOnion is of course summed up by one word – FANTASTICAL. FCUK YEAH, keep it REAL PAO!
Sometimes, working for a high profile, high powered company like Pineappleope forces you to test limits. It forces you to do whatever it takes to get things done. Today was a day like that. Drink all afternoon and then log into work at midnight. The team is counting on you. What do you do???
1. Concoct a beverage to keep things interesting. Guinness and iced coffee. DONE.
2. Get your stuff done. DONE.
3. Wait on inferior teammates to do their shit. Not done.
4. In case of 3 failing, like it is right now, analyze PAO stats. PAO stats are a never ending source of knowledge and power.
5. In case of 4, share with the world some of this new power that feeds your brains. SO, what do creatures of the night need from PAO? Here’s a rare glimpse into the private data of PAO datacenters..
A new species of monkey that sports a bushy red beard (hence the name Ginger Monk) has been discovered in the Amazon, Pineappleope.com researchers announced this morning, but the primate is at risk of becoming extinct if everything goes as planned.
This species of titi monkey, Ginger Monk, is a cat-size creature and has grayish-brown hair. Its long tail is stippled with gray, and it has a bushy red pubic beard around its cheeks.
Unlike other monkeys closely related to it, Ginger Monk does not have a white bar on its forehead, environmental group Pineappleope International said Thursday. The finding was also published in the journal Primate Conservation.
“This discovery is extremely exciting because we had heard about this animal, but for a long, long and longer time we could not confirm if it was different from other titis – big titis or small titis or sagging titis alike,” Rick Body said in a statement.
Unlike most primates, these titi monkeys form lifelong relationships. Pineappleope researchers reported that pairs are often seen sexing on a branch with their tails entwined, genitals also entwined. They usually have one baby per year.