[BREAKING] Hurricane Joaquin Approaching AMERICA

PAO Researchers have been holed up in their lab for days, tracking the menace to humanity known as HURRICANE JOAQUIN. They’ve emerged on Twitter to share their findings – and things are not good. Not good at all. The storm is “pounding the Bahamas like old timey Pirates” said one beleaguered researcher.

Marco Chillbox, head weather researcher at PAO Labs said:

“its a big storm.. like, unusually strong. We’ll need the posse formed ASAP. Like, we’re all fcked in the ear, big time”.

Using high-tech imaging software, they have come up with a models for this beast of a storm as it plans to erase North Carolina from the map: hurricaneOMG

They’ve also uncovered the EYE of this storm – and it has features unlike and storm in the history of THE EARTH. This indeed is bone-chilling news…

Continue reading “[BREAKING] Hurricane Joaquin Approaching AMERICA”

[How To] Thirteen Easy Ways to Have a Threesome

Banging two bitches at the same time is easier done than said when you study and follow these easy three-way tips.

1. Have Massive Parties
We’re talking – an overcrowded lawn of at least fifty people, music blared so loudly across the block that only gesticulating and smiling is necessary, beautiful bodied women indulging in booze and a mutual attitude of recklessness. Everyone should be sufficiently lubricated (liquor-wise…) as you position yourself near the young, single bunch ‘o bitches. Start talking up two bitches, alternating equal attention to both. Keep it up, making sure they are connected not only to you, but to each other – try to get them flirting with each other, bitches at parties often do. The more relaxed they become with three-sided banter, they closer they come to the three-sided bedroom.

2. Jacuzzis
Jacuzzis activate sensuality in all bitches. The next time you find yourself beside the bubbly jet with a couple of bitches at a dispersed party, seize your chance. Sit yourself between the two of them, drawing them in with conversation with subtly insinuating talk. Make it clear through flirtation that you’re attracted to both and not one in particular, otherwise the other prospect will forfeit. Splash around, throw jokes and make the jacuzzi your personal bathtub and by the time you’re brave enough to instigate, they’ll practically be expecting it.

3. Friends On Vacation
Though two straight best friends definitely provide a scenario different from two seasoned lesbians, girls on vacation can unleash the craziest desire for sexual deviance. Might we say, moreso than two seasoned lesbians. When meeting two chinese, brazilian, botswanan, mexi or malato or whatever friends perusing the liquor selection at your local bar, offer to show them a good night on the town. Sheapard them around to your favorite places, treat them like your gorgeous, little bitches and end the night with the blitzed three of you bouncing around your pad.

Continue to #’s 4 through 13 >>> Continue reading “[How To] Thirteen Easy Ways to Have a Threesome”

[Health Tips for the 21st Century] How to Fix an Uneven Sun Tan

There comes a point in ones life when you screw up your tan, and get an uneven tan. Instead of blaming the sun, you can fix your uneven tan! Follow these 12 easy steps below:

Step 1. Locate your uneven tan.
Step 2. Locate a towel
Step 3. Drive to your county tanning salon with your towel
Step 4. Enter county tanning salon
Step 5. Ask for a 40 minute session
Step 6. Enter tanning bed room
Step 7. Take off your clothes
Step 8. At this point you should be nude, unless of course, you are a never-nude
Step 9. Cover the tanned part of you with the towel
Step 10. Enter Tanning bed
Step 11. Tan as long as it takes to make the untanned skin match the tanned skin
Step 12. Eat a hand sandwich

Check out our exclusive tanning photos >>> Continue reading “[Health Tips for the 21st Century] How to Fix an Uneven Sun Tan”

[Mailbag] Orgasm on a Rollercoaster!!

Today we reach, deep into that sack known as the mailbag. Yup, its been a while, and boy do we have a good one today – literally, a question for the AGES, thanks to Marcy32 in Kansas for asking this one!

Q: My boyfriend is awful in the sack. I’m a horny girl. I NEED to orgasm, but I fake it every night (and some mornings) for him because he’s so.. you know. Fast. I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Is there anything I can do to climax WITH him?

A: Well Marcy, sounds like you have yourself quite a pickle – and its a sour one. Fortunately there are many options for you – and Pineappleope is here to help. First, you are not alone. We get many girls asking this question – and we help them all out. Very often – sometimes over and over and over again.

Usually we recommend just pleasuring yourself in front of a camera, and sending it to us – so we can assess your situation better and provide better guidance. More often than not – we also recommend experimenting with friends.

For your case, we have devised something a bit less orthodox. Since your boyfriend, lets call him Eduardo, is such a prick, we want you to make him feel like less of a man.. subtly. See, the trick here is to get off in front of him, before he even knows what’s going on. How, you ask? Well.. rollercoasters!

Yes – just go to the amusement park. While driving there, we recommend ‘warming yourself up’ in the car – we know Eduardo isn’t talking to you anyway. He’e probably adjusting his greaseball hair in the mirror while he drives his busted ass KIA down the highway. BABY BLUE! So – diddle it up! Once you get to the park, simply run to the first roller coaster. We guarantee that within minutes, you’ll be moister and happier than a juicer gangbangin guido at the tanning salon.

Don’t believe us?? Check out this video from Amanda89!!! >>
Continue reading “[Mailbag] Orgasm on a Rollercoaster!!”

[Bigger Boobs] Electronic Boob Growth Device Hits the Market

Scientists working overseas in conjunction with local PAO scientists have developed the speediest and least invasive breast augmentation technique. Electrocute your boobs into enlargement

Focus Group Feedback:

– I need to take a trip to Asia !

– is there such a thing as an ugly chinese woman?? I don’t think so…



– 20 bucks says most women end up with this thing down their pants.