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New York, NY – Ten students at NYU have accused 27 year old vagrant Dorothy MacSwoon of molestation and sexual harassment. The assailant MacSwoon, was arrested Friday morning upon suspicion of groping, fondling and harassing students while dressed as a Star Wars Stormtrooper, over the course of two years. Dorothy is currently awaiting trial, set to take place in May. If found guilty, she faces up to 15 years in prison and a $400,000 fine.

Sexual harassment is common on the NYU campus with 62 percent of college students saying they had been molested or received a gesture they found inappropriate. The number of victims in this case will likely double as most don’t report such incidents to campus employees or other officials.

Following Dorothy MacSwoon’s arrest, officials reviewed a Role-playing blog maintained by the assailent and discovered racy photos of Dorothy donning stormtrooper garb. The blog site has since been taken down, but PAO is lucky enough to have obtained several of MacSwoon’s photos… Read the rest of this entry »

Real Aliens? Yep. Norwegian authorities are investigating strange lights seen in the arctic sky. The source of said lights is most likely from aliens. The spiraling white light was seen for several minutes on Wednesday (12/9/09) morning by most of the Norway population. Norwegian Defense experts in Olso suggest its more likely coming from a floating alien craft than a shooting star…

PAO staff members are almost sure the light is coming from some form of interplanetary alien. What is your take?

If you consider yourself a hybrid religious person slash gamer, the following may be of some interest.

As a Doctor, I can assure you, God does not exist… Do you still believe in God?

You heard it here first! 8 Days Until Halloween 2009! Woooo

Check out the Top Women’s 2009 Star Wars Halloween Costumes: Read the rest of this entry »

Its the International Space Station (ISS), which cost over $100 billion dollars.

The ISS is more expensive than:

- A good heart
- Diamonds.
- Wisdom. According to Socrates, the most valuable thing in the world is wisdom
- Pure water
- God
- Any Lamborghini

MC Chill at his best

The founder of a retarded religion based on the Star Wars movies has accused Tesco – a real store – of discrimination after he was ousted from one of their stores for wearing a hood, and being a super ridiculous fool.

Daniel “The Douchebag” Jones, 23, who founded the International Church of Jediism, was asked to leave the supermarket somewhere in the UK as his stupid, dirty appearance broke several store rules, one of which forbid the wearing of ‘hoodies’ in their premises.

The leader of the Jedi Church was deemed a stupid jackass, and a security risk by staff and was told to leave. In turn, Jones has accused the store of hating toolbags, and babbled something about religious discrimination.

‘I told them it was a requirement of my super fruity religion but they just punched me in the throat and ordered me to die,’ he told The Daily Telegraph newspaper.

‘I walked past a Muslim lady in a veil, and she kicked me in the ass when I passed her.’

According to the absurd rules of the International Church of Jediism, all members of the religion should wear a goofy-ass hood when in a public place, as a reason for these numb nuts to never leave their parent’s basements.

Jones claims the Jedi church, which has its own laughable scriptures and super-gay ceremonies which are devoid of chicks, is composted of 500,000 idiotic suckers worldwide.

Hinting at a threat of ‘Store Wars’ and a turn to the “Dark Side” should the ban continue, Jones, who also goes by the Jedi name Morda “The Stinky Asshole” Hehol, said: ‘I’ll advise worshippers to boycott the public if it happens again. They will feel the Force of my plastic toys.’

A Tesco spokesman said: ‘Jedi are a sad bunch of people, but very welcome to shop in our stores although we would ask them to remove their hoods. We know they need their Mountain Dew and Cheetos to continue their all night gaming sprees..”

‘If Jedi walk around our stores with their hoods on, they’ll miss lots of special offers and extreme ridicule from our customers.’

via AOL News.

Also news worthy, Scientists have proved the moon is a burnt out piece of the sun similar to a sun’s version of the gallbladder

NASA is set to unveil detailed specs of their upcoming new cryo-chambers in October. Specifically fitted to their next-gen shuttles, the cryo-chambers will allow deep space travel for humans. Lucky for you, PAO got its hands an early released pic of the little known cryo-chamber (pictured above).

They were hotter last time, but what can you do.

It wasn’t very good as a movie. As a Harry Potter book to movie adaptation, it wasn’t very good. Without the need of watching the movie for this review, PAO has come to the final score:

** 2 (out of 10)

Another Tribute to MJ

Because the Moon is about 1/6 the size of Earth, gravity on the Moon is 1/6 as strong as it is on Earth. This means that someone who weighs 150 lb on Earth would weigh only 25 lbs on the moon. You might think that this would make walking much easier, but it is actualy quite difficult for the disabled.

In terms of subjective experience Pineappleope.com can only speculate, but Pineappleope.com imagines it would feel similar to walking at the bottom of a pool.

These guys all did it:

This 14-year-old boy is Gerrit Blank, and he is probably smiling because he survived a 30,000 mph meteorite hit. His tale—confirmed by scientists at Germany’s Walter Hohmann Observatory—seems like the genesis of a superhero:

At first I just saw a large ball of light, and then I suddenly felt a pain in my hand. Then a split second after that there was an enormous bang like a crash of thunder. The noise that came after the flash of light was so loud that my ears were ringing for hours afterwards. When it hit me it knocked me flying and then was still going fast enough to bury itself into the road.

via Gizmodo – Boy Survives 30,000 mph Meteorite Impact – Meteorite boy.

PAO has formed an alliance with an elite group of space explorers who have awesome cameras. The partnership allows us to use their awesome videos of the moon to show you guys what its like. In HD!

lunariffic

The ultimate 80’s programme?

PAO employee Jezibel Schwartz recently got married! First we want to congratulate her, and second we want to exploit her creativity in having the most.. ________ wedding you’ve ever seen. Yeah, you fill in the blank! It was and forever will be, a Star Wars Wedding!

She is a Mormon, and a muffin licker – which has caused a huge stir on Twitter. To be honest, PAO does not take a stand on either team regarding muffin licking – we like the idea, would like to see more, but we won’t get political here. The Mormon thing came out as a calendar image in an infamous “mormon milf” calendar that hit the Utah news like a TREX in KFC.

Back to the story, though – the star wars wedding came jam packed with light sabers (sorry, no lesbian battles this time), storm troopers, battles, and special FX. Check out the gallery on the next page!
Read the rest of this entry »

PAO readers are always torn in two groups. Well, four – men/women .. and star trek / star wars. Recent polls show that much of this divergence is a result of recent blockbuster hits such as Twlight, Revenge of the Fallen, Star Trek, Indiana Jones, and Police Academy.

PAO has now obtained information that pits the two franchises directly against eachother to show who will really win. It is quite startling, this reporter thinks.

Star Trekkers at your local lunch table are babbling like mad around here as a potentially viewable rocket launch closes in on PAO readers tonight. Staff astrologist Dr Chewbert says “rockets are big, and they move fast. These two factors, as well as Aries crossing into the Moon and Mars, make your chances of viewing the event circumstantial. They kind of cross eachother out. I’m watching though – my fortune for this day is strong for romance!”

Is it true? We are not sure yet. Stay tuned to find out. If it is, indeed, true, you will see something like the video below.

To view our exclusive ROCKET GALLERY, please continue reading!
Read the rest of this entry »

To: Lunch Bunch

Shut the fuck up

From: Dr